Silence is deafening.
We all have moments when we are in complete darkness. A noise seems to scream. A noise that is made when one is truly, dreadfully alone. It is the sound of the solitary soul and it is a quite a scary thing. We do what we can to drown these voices by whatever means possible. We tend to seek some company, any company. Even the ones of a mistress.
She is a funny person. She is cruel and comforting. Holds you close and crushes you. Caresses your soul and curses it. She will always be there for you- till she makes sure no one else is. It begins with harmless flirting. I mean, you’ve seen what she can do but you have always believed you were different, that you’re nothing like the others. It all begins with that first kiss. The first time your lips meet hers, your heart is racing and you take a deep breath to seal that initial contact and that is enough. Her essence courses through your veins, sends a hundred thousand synapses to fire within your consciousness, calming you. The moment goes on for what seems like forever. The moment you exhale, you find yourself with a loving companion.
It goes on for a while. You begin to frequent her more often. You realize how there are so many ‘her’ shaped holes in your life that she will fill gladly. It gets to a point where she is actually a part of your everyday life. But it is nothing to be alarmed about. You are still in control. You command her. She can be held between two of your fingers. That’s how dominant you are. She makes you feel more worthy than you are. You find that she is around more often than the ones you hold dear. Sometimes the going gets difficult and it is possible that your friends aren’t there for you.
But she always is. She is in your pocket. She is there at your beck and call. She’s true company. She is better than air. She has become a physical necessity. She isn’t perfect, though. She commits errors the same as everyone, but at this point, it seems ludicrous and impossible- till she burns you. She causes you a mild discomfort at first, gets in your way, prevents you from fulfilling your responsibilities and after a while she bruises you. Well everyone deserves a second chance and every relationship evolves in time and this you learn to accept as the new norm. Those ones you hold dear, your well-wishers, don’t like it when they see the bruises. They immediately show concern, tell you she isn’t good for you. Where was all this concern when you needed them and they weren’t there for you?
They don’t understand your relationship. They don’t know that she was there for you when they weren’t. Who needs fair weather friends who are out to take out the one person who took care of you at your lowest moments. You begin to shun them, because their concern is false. Only hers is true. Experience has taught you that.
She hurt you. After you turned your back on everyone, she hurt you, now that it’s only the two of you. But she is the only one who is left and she takes away the pain after. You try to distance yourself but she keeps pulling you back. The grip you once thought you had over her, to control her and hold her in your two fingers was not working. It was her who was holding you.She begins to inflict more pain than she takes away. She must be curbed.
With whatever remaining will you have, you discard the concubine. You have to cleanse her from yourself and then, finally, you can take a breath of free air. The remnants of her essence are slowly washed away by the tide of time. You finally break free from the prison of isolation she kept you in. You begin to go back to your responsibilities and you’re lucky that there were a few who stuck around. Their presence seems to defy logic and borders on insanity but you’re so happy that they are there. Things return to normalcy and once again we all away with the motion of the ocean. The usual leg tripping obstacles pop up and knock you down on you feet. On the ground, you are greeted by a familiar acquaintance, an old friend, Darkness. And with him, he brings along his buddy, Silence.
Your screams for help are drowned out by their uproar. You try running away, further and deeper into yourself to try and shut it out. We go deeper and deeper inside and there is an old intimate touch on your shoulder. Silence slowly fades into the night. All that is heard is a soft crinkling. Things are better again. She rescued you. There were differences in the past but who can even remember those. It’s going to be different now. The last whispers of silence is replaced by the gentle crackling of an ember, an ember inside that is slowly burning away everything it touches.